Burned Out

I had a bit of a revelation tonight. I was reflecting on my time at Carthage, and comparing it to my time now. And I took a minute and asked myself a very important question: do I miss InterVarsity? This question came with mixed emotions. I think I’ve finally gotten to a point where I can honestly say I’ve been able to let go. Considering this was one of my greatest challenges leaving college, I’m rather pleased that I can say this. What I’ve decided is that while I do miss being heavily involved in a ministry and mentoring people and such, I am grateful to be on a break. My senior year, I did a lot in terms of IV, in terms of school, in terms of well, life. I was constantly pouring so much out, and even though I had a small group that I went to, even though I went to church most Sundays and prayed and had quiet time most everyday, I still burned out. I still exerted much more than what was being put in. I was constantly going in five different directions at once, and even though I absolutely loved what I was doing, it was too much all at one time. And in the end, I burned out. And I stayed burned out. And my friends and classmates burned out. And they all stayed burned out. In a previous post I talked about wanting to be involved in full time ministry. That desire still remains. But what I’ve realized tonight is just how much I have lacked balance in my life. I’ve realized that this time I’ve had these past several months has been a time for me to rest, recharge, and to see the importance of being filled/poured into as well as pour out. I’ve been learning to not go in five different directions at once, and to put more value on just spending time alone. This time has reinforced for me just how important it is to have accountability in my life and also to have someone who can and is willing to meet one-on-one with me and pour into me. I’ve  had a wonderful time of rest and introspection. I almost don’t want it to end. But alas, I find myself wanting to find ways to get more involved in the lives of the people around me. I find myself wanting to find ways to pour out and to sow the see I’ve received. At the same time, there is so much caution. My next step is to find how to do this without burning myself out again. So, yeah, that’s where I’m at. Cheers!

2 thoughts on “Burned Out

  1. Emily the Short says:

    One of the reasons I stopped being so involved in IV is that our IV chapter was ridiculously demanding. Members of leadership treated it like a job, and I often felt pressured to treat it that way too. With all the pressure to participate in all of the 15 activities every week, is it any wonder that you gave more than you received?

    And I guess we’ve both gone to the opposite extreme, because I have spent the last year and a half hiding in my apartment when I’m not working.

    Introverts especially are not designed for that kind of heavy duty social involvement over and above work. And whatever else they are, spiritual communities are social by necessity.

    Perhaps as you consider ministry, you should look into monastic traditions of spirituality and work on ways to balance social and private spirituality, as well as support received versus support given.

    • desiyoung says:

      I have been looking a lot into balancing a lot of things in my life, including social and private spirituality. Support received vs support given…yeah, still working on that.

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